Hollywood elites and their Disneyland East politico compatriots rail and rant against us the proletariat when we drive SUVs or fly in commercial jets or illuminate our 900 square foot domiciles with incandescent lights, while at the same time pardoning themselves and family from their own high standards. However, that is NOT the case with the Al-Gore family. Al-Gore, former FOB and Clintonista, enemy of Big Tobacco, Internet Inventor, Carbon Offset Owner and Environmental Wacko, has obviously taught his children well.
It has been verified by the California highway patrol that Al Gore Jr. (actually Al Gore III) has been fitted out with a Prius, the wondrous little Japanese vehicle from Toyota that gets 50 miles per gallon of gasoline. In addition, the younger Gore was able to coax an extra five miles per gallon out of the tiny car, by putting metal to the pedal and revving that baby up to 100 miles per hour. He even managed to set a world speed record for the Prius, as until its velocity was clocked and documented on the San Diego Freeway, no one, including its manufacturer, knew that this environmentally friendly car could survive without its tires exploding - or at least going airborne at 100 mph.
In addition, California’s police have verified that the younger Al-Gore has followed his father’s admonition against the use of Big Tobacco’s noxious weed. Nowhere in the vehicle was found any evidence nor foul odor of the hated substance. Marijuana WAS found in the Prius, but Al Gore III explained that was perfectly legal, as he was driving in the HOV lane, the lane legally set aside for “‘HIGH’ Occupancy Vehicles.” Less than one ounce of the intoxicant was found, which demonstrated young Gore’s responsibility of stashing only the quantity of dope that he would legally consume while diving in the HOV lane.
Actually, as Gore the Third explained to the officers who were thinking of arresting him, his father had purchased Carbon Offset Footprints for just such CO2 polluting events as these. You see, he was speeding because he needed to get to his drug dealer fast, to purchase more marijuana, as he was almost out of the popular substance. As for the Xanax, Valium, Vicodin and Adderall that were also discovered stashed in the Prius, Gore Junior reminded them that those are perfectly legal drugs and that as soon as he made his legally sanctioned phone call to the elder Gore, he would provide a “legal” prescription for the prescription-only drugs. It was a bit tricky to accomplish, as Father Gore himself was “flying high”, as in the sky on a “non-commercial” airplane winging his way to one of the many world-wide Live Earth concerts he is attending this year … to help the environment.
Al Gore did come through and rescue his 24-year-old boy from the infamous Orange County slammer, but not before he was overheard chastising him. “Why the hell did you have to perform your tomfoolery there in Republicanville County, when you could have driven a few miles north to Hollywood where we have friends? And BTB, if you know what’s good for you, that marijuana better be organically grown!”
From his Santa Ana jail cell before the intervention of his powerful father, the younger Al Gore released a statement: “In the interest of public safety, I absolutely would NEVER drive on the California freeways at 100 mph, high on marijuana in the HOV lanes, without my ADD (attention deficit disorder) medications.”
See WaPo for the real story, which is not at all funny, as driving under the influence can result in serious injury and death.
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